Sans Pareil (Without an equal)- Liz Lemon of 30 Rock

Sans Pareil is basically "best of" moments in tv, art, film, you name it I can and will make a list of it. If you're like me (and I know you are Jerry) I quote 30 Rock without realizing it and pay the price dearly when non-30 Rockettes (you would not believe the sass I got for calling someone a jag weed) so without further ado Liz Lemon her all her glory!

Sherlock Homo

Star Wars Liz

Liz almost became the Barefoot Contessa

Liz gets her period.

She dabbles in modeling

She knows how to party in Frankfurt

Liz has a few skeletons in her closet..

And that eye roll 

And finally everything Lemon says wrapped up in one video

Hope you enjoyed this installment of Sans Pareil as much as the staff here, I shall sign off with this gem

What We Thought We Already Knew

It was because we were allowed to convert religions and dye our own hair that we felt old

old in the sense that we were free, independent, and rightfully so we could become someone so different from who we had been the day before

the sequence of events that created an angsty period of our short lives called high school became nights spent watching lolita

or cursing loudly with passion in our eyes regarding a book about teenage suicide and the virgins who fled their Catholic parents before they tasted alcohol

We felt a temporary fix of adulthood, idolizing dead men whose synth was the soundtrack to our adolescence 

we thought we knew things about people and what it meant to love

a romantic hormonal pessimist will never understand the deepest definition of love until she is there, in that moment of final admiration

otherwise said hormonal optimist teen will fall in love everyday on public transport or in the safety of her bedroom, watching strangers walk on the sidewalk, each of those people leaving her with a glimpse of a life on some faraway planet, exsisting only in the crevaces of her mind, she wrote their stories threaded together by lies

we were old because we knew that people could feel shitty and darkness comes quickly sometimes leaving you breathless or making you want to vomit or sing or preach or cry or dance or laugh half heartedly at misfortune

and when we watch men of great stature falling from great heights because of some kind of addiction

we recognize the face of repression

and the paradox of humanity

we read to escape suburbia and to find solace

we are nocturnals, insomniacs without a reason to dream because we thought we knew reality

just because you wear black doesn't mean you know life has given you the worst its got

just because you say something you heard on the news doesn't mean you know more than the common man

just because you can carve your name into a tree that will grow to be a 100 doesn't mean you will leave legends

and just because you declare yourself an original doesn't mean you have had a thought of your own

little girl, this is a cruel world and your tongue hasn't tasted ignorance 

little girl you know but one thing, humans are complex creatures and those who claim to know Gods secrets

are lying, convinced themselves blind and power hungry leaches

there is no hell, little girl, I am a walking paradox

but if we learn to forgive

he who is almighty must forgive

otherwise he shall be a hypocrite like me

otherwise he would be a human

we thought we were old because we were simply alive and doing things on impulse and doing things with a few more years in our back pockets

nobody knows what we had thought we knew

-Ember Nocturne

Auroras and Solar Wind by Zoe Jensen

One day
We will shoot up to the stars
Fast
Quickly
Beautifully
Inches away from a plate-sized star
Our faces glow from the bright light
And for three seconds

Everything is still

But those three seconds pass
And the pull of the star slowly fades
We grab each other’s hands, falling backwards towards 
Earth
Wind in our hair
Smiles on our faces
Somehow your eyelids seem amazing

God, Allah, Buddha places us like glass figures
Onto a dim, grassy field
Hands entwined 
We are happy

◄Summer Rewind◄

 Above Photos By: Kaitlyn Sandvik

Above Photo By: Liza Hemingway

Where The Leaves Fall: An Autumn Mixtape (illustrated by Jessica Dantas)

1. And If We Both Fail? // Mixtapes 

2. Past Lives // Diiv

3. Black Comedy // Bright Eyes

4. Le Temps de L'amour // Francoise Hardy

5. Carnation // IO Echo

6. Ungirthed // Purity Ring

7. Misguided Ghosts // Paramore

8. Piazza, New York Catcher // Belle & Sebastian

9. First Day of My Life // Bright Eyes

10. Playing God // Paramore

11. Oxford Comma // Vampire Weekend

12. Tainted Love // Soft Cell

13. The Ghost Inside // Broken Bells

14. Blah Blah Blah // Say Hi To Your Mom

15. I'm Writing a Novel // Father John Misty

16. Horchata // Vampire Weekend

17. Dead Hearts // Stars

18. Everything You Wanted // Clubfeet

19. Dear Fellow Traveler // Sea Wolf

20. Get What You Want // JJAMZ

21. Fidelity // Regina Spektor

22. San Francisco // Foxygen

23. Full Moon // The Black Ghosts

24. Heartbreak // Clubfeet

25. Run // Vampire Weekend

26. Sweater Weather // The Neighbourhood

27. Thunder // Gold Fields

28. By Surprise // Gemini Club

29. Here // Hellogoodbye

30. Magic // Olympic Ayres

31. Bruises // Chairlift

32. I Sold My Bed, But Not My Stereo // Capital Cities

33.  Falling // Ben Kweller

34. Two Weeks // Grizzly Bear

35. Critical Mass // College

36. Animal // Miike Snow

37. Thirteen // Ben Kweller

38. Miss Halfway // Anya Marina

39. At Home ( Passion Pit Remix) // Crystal Fighters

40. Lights & Music // Cut Copy

41. It's Not Over // Panama

42. Spirit // Delorean

43. Lola // The Kinks

44. Leaves in The River // Sea Wolf

45. Skeletons // Yeah Yeah Yeahs

46. Age of Consent // New Order

47. Chicago // Sufjan Stevens

48. Harvest Moon // Poolside

49. Daydream // Youth Lagoon

50. Midnight City // M83 

-Ember Nocturne

Surreal Art Featured Below By: Ember Nocturne

DIY: Camping

There are two people on this earth, people who get high off of drinking their own piss and hunting bears and then the people who huddle with their computers in an air conditioned room. We are the latter. But this past weekend we roughed it Bear-Grylls style and slept outside. Well to be honest we went inside at 2 am because it started to rain (helpful tip check the weather before you go camping). But hey, we tried, and now I'm here to show you how to camp in style.

Step 1. Pick a site- if you're a novice you probably shouldn't be venturing out into Yellowstone so how about you do the park rangers a service and start out in your own backyard or a friend who has a rustic backyard as our friend, Jeez Neon, has pictured here:

Step 2. Set up tent, make playlist (see previous posts if lost)- contact everyone you know to see if they have a tent because they can get a little pricey, if no one does your local sporting goods store most likely rents them out for the weekend at a descent price. I suggest picking one that has plenty of room for your friends and has a mesh roof so you can jam out to some funky beats and look at the stars.

this might be a little pricey but look how friggen cool this is!! I promise no manbearpig will mess with you while your chillin in this hot rod.

watch nature as you clutch your blanket in fear of an aerial attack!

Step 3. Ration your food- you may be hungry later on so make sure to collect snacks, I'm sure any berry is fine (this is Vinyl View's lawyer Dave, a friendly reminder that some berries result in death so may sure you know what you put into your mouth) Ha ha oh Dave, he is a jokester. We got these blackberries from a garden conveniently located behind the tent

Dave has no idea what he is talking about these look plenty safe to me

Step 4. Let's burn down this m**********r!!!- Wow there Pyromaniac Phil, let's heed Smokey Bear advice and not burn down our local forests. I suggest borrowing/buying/stealing a small iron fire pit. To get it started, crumple newspapers and put them on the bottom while you layer the twigs tepee styled, light the newspapers first. for best results bring hot dogs and marshmallows to cook, very romantic.

these jokers didn't do the tepee way and eventually went on to kill 2 bunnies and 5 small lizards-those monsters

ughhh foodgasm

Step 5. Bring a lot of layers because it gets cold as Siberia in that bitch and unless you're a vodka lovin, bald Russian named Vladmir, I don't think you'll enjoy that. Enjoy you're camping trip and remember, three leaves leave it be! (I cannot stress this enough)

Untitled for Now by Jessica Dantas

Grandmother's Take on Jonas Brothers, Eddie Redmayne, Adam Scott, James Franco, and More

As the granddaughter of a sassy, Boston born-and-raised grandmother, I cannot avoid her opinion on modern life, my generation, food, and especially anyone that I find handsome. She always comments on any posters in my room, and whenever I am over, makes sure that I do NOT like Justin Bieber (or I would get the fiery wrath of a seventy-something woman). So I decided to choose eight men that are not only popular for their contributions to entertainment, but also for their looks, and ask my sassy grandmother if she approves.

JOHNNY DEPP

Well I believe that is a nice picture of Johnny Depp. He is interesting looking. But then again, his hair looks ridiculous.

JONAS BROTHERS

They all look silly how they dress. None of them are very good looking, but the middle one is the most handsome. The man’s brown suit is too small, the pink looks... ya know... he looks like a girl. The one on the far right just has bad taste. The one to the far right is not particularly handsome.

EDDIE REDMAYNE

Is this Eddie Redmayne? I’ve seen him in “My Week with Marilyn”, he was very good. I like him, I think he is nice looking and expressive and good actor. I think he’s handsome, not completely drop dead gorgeous, but he is cute.

HARRY STYLES

I don’t know him. He would be attractive if I were a nine or ten year old girl. He looks like a pretty boy. He looks about... twelve? Thirteen? He looks like a Justin Bieber type I guess.

ADAM SCOTT

He kind of looking like an eagle. Like a bird. Maybe a hawk.

SHAUN WHITE

He looks like when a person puts their head through a board and it looks like their head is on another body. The face does not match the body, but he looks like a nice looking fellow. Not as good looking as Eddie Redmayne

BEAU MIRCHOFF

Mirchoff... he’s a nice looking boy. He is nice looking. He’s about a 7/10 or 8/10. His teeth do not look real.

JAMES FRANCO

I love James Franco. I think he is very handsome and nice looking. I think he is very nice. He’s about a 9/10.

Recasting the Orginals

As a diehard cult movie fanatic, I often find myself pondering how the casting manager does it. The chemistry between John and Claire in The Breakfast Club was everything I could have hoped for when a princess and criminal mingle. The 80's and 90's pumped out some major films, all worth the late night double features and fumbling with a vhs. No one could ever replace the envy sparking Alicia Silverstone as Cher in Clueless or the grunge and angst filled duo of Winona Ryder and Christian Slater in Heathers. We neither confirm nor deny a desire for remakes but if we were to recast a modern set to the movies we swear by this is how we would do it.

The Breakfast Club: 1985
Claire Standish "The Princess"-Liana Liberato (with a haircut)
John Bender "The Criminal"-Aneurin Barnard
Allison Reynolds "The Basket Case"-India Eisley
Andrew Clark "The Athlete"-Dave Franco
Brian Johnson "The Brain"-Nat Wolff
Richard Vernon-Pierce Brosnan

Heathers
Veronica Sawyer-Kat Dennings
Jason Dean-Emile Hirsch
Heather Duke-Elanor Tomlinson
Heather Chandler-Abigail Breslin
Heather McNamara-Brie Larson

Clueless
Cher Horowitz-Teresa Palmer
Tai-Jemima West
Josh-Logan Lerman
Dee-Keke Palmer
Murray-Donald Glover
Elton-Max Irons
Travis-Shia LaBeouf
Christian-James Franco (shaved)
Amber-Sophie Turner

-Ember Nocturne

A Playlist Based on Quirky Activities

1. Watch The Breakfast Club whilst wearing a hat crafted from newspaper and fancy socks.
                        LISTEN: SHOOTING STARS BY BAG RAIDERS
2. Make a smoothie using only things you already have in a matter of 30 seconds, there must be more than 3 ingredients and you have to have a floral print of some sort on.
                        LISTEN: MIDNIGHT CITY BY M83
3. Print off album covers and tape them all over your bedroom walls, you can also get a map and pin out all the places you have been!
                        LISTEN: KIDS BY MGMT
4. Collage photos of your favorite childhood tv shows (Full House Anyone?), 80's movies (Clueless, Heathers, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, etc.), and of course some kick ass artwork (Starry Night, Kate Shaw Edits, etc.).
                       LISTEN: D.A.N.C.E BY JUSTICE
5. Press some flowers you can find around the yard or make a crown from them.
                       LISTEN: ANNA SUN BY WALK THE MOON
6. Write stuff, and tea stain the page but don't forget to enjoy the tea.
                       LISTEN: MAGIC BY THE KNOCKS
7. Realize you have a crush on your candles and watch the stars all between the hours of 11 P.M. to Midnight.
                       LISTEN: CATGROOVE BY PAROV STELAR
8. Braid your hair like Wednesday Addams and paint your nails dark plum.
                       LISTEN: HEADS WILL ROLL BY YEAH YEAH YEAHS
9. Go to a flea market while wearing tights of some sort.
                       LISTEN: BLUE MONDAY BY NEW ORDER
10. Go apple picking because autumn is the best season and be sure to wear an oversized sweater.
                       LISTEN: ROCK ME AMADEUS BY FALCO
11. Dance around your house wearing an oversized flannel and some high socks, be sure to slide down hallways.
                       LISTEN: US BY REGINA SPEKTOR
12. Go to your local library and grab a random book and movie, with your eyes closed.
                       LISTEN: WHERE U GOIN BY ARKELLS
13. Explore your surroundings, go down random streets, people watch and come up with their stories.
                       LISTEN: BEATFREAKZ- SOMEBODYS WATCHING ME (HIGH TRACK REMIX)
14. Read your horoscope and take the myers briggs personality test (I am a cancer and enfj).
                       LISTEN: THE WAY WE GET BY BY SPOON
15. Look through old family photos.
                       LISTEN: THE BOY WITHT THE ARAB STRAP BY BELLE & SEBASTIAN
16. Put together an outfit you think Zooey Deschanel would wear and watch 500 Days of Summer (Gubloids hail his scenes).
                       LISTEN: NEW THEORY BY WASHED OUT
17. If you happen to have a cat, dog, gerbil, imaginary friend do some interpretive dance.
                       LISTEN: MODERN LOVE BY DAVID BOWIE
18. Take some photos using texture and perspective and edit using surrealism inspiration.
                       LISTEN: PRIDE BY THE NEW DIVISION
19. Sketch something, anything in a public place so people think you have talent.
                       LISTEN: WALKING ON A DREAM BY EMPIRE IN THE SUN
20. Look through old yearbooks and make predictions while wearing a nice pair of shoes.
                       LISTEN: YOUR LOVE BY THE OUTFIELD
21. Read a book for a second time you loved and underline what you relate to.
                       LISTEN: THIS RYTHM BY THE FILTHY DUKES

-Ember Nocturne 

How to Make a 50 Second Blueberry/Fruit Tart

Yes, you heard me right: a 50 second blueberry crumble, or pretty much any fruit that you can imagine. This thing has only a few ingredients, and it takes hardly any time at all. Plus, it's ACTUALLY good (don't trust brownies in mugs). Get ready to have lots and lots and lots of blueberry/strawberry/raspberry/blackberry/fruit tarts.

(The "crust" is adapted from the Cookie in a Cup from No. 2 pencil)

Crust Ingredients

1 Tablespoon of Butter, Melted

1 Tablespoon Granulated White Sugar

1 Tablespoon of firmly packed Dark Brown Sugar

3 Drops of Vanilla Extract

Small Pinch of Kosher Salt

1 Egg Yolk

1/4 Cup All Purpose Flour

1. Start by stirring all of your ingredients together with either a whisk or a spoon (depending on the size of your dish).

2. After stirring, form a small "disk" of cookie dough on the middle of your dish.

 

3. Put your cookie in the microwave for 40-60 seconds. My microwave makes it perfectly at 50 seconds. Make sure that your crust will not turn too cakey/tough. Make sure it is cookie-like and edible.

4. When your cookie is done, take it out of the microwave and add blueberries. I didn't put too many blueberries on so that the dessert doesn't just look like blueberries in a dish, but in my opinion, the more blueberries the better. 

5. After putting the blueberries/fruit on the crust, put whatever toppings you would like on top! Some of the greats are powdered sugar, whipped cream, cinnamon, ice cream, or even some fabulous chocolate. 

6. ENJOY! Yum yum yum yum yum

Top 5 "Oldies but Goodies" Movies

People like to tag movies from the 30's-60's as "classics" or "outdated" or maybe a tinge misogynistic- but hey if you're grandma can say all those things why can't Bogie? Well I've been labeled an old soul because 90% of the movies I watch include men chain smoking who are a good 40 years older than their leading ladies, but the clothes were exquisite and the booze endless, so kick back in your fedora and watch my Top 5 Classic Movies.

5. Gaslight- IMDB gives this Oscar winner a 7.8, and without giving away too much information Ingrid Bergman plays a perfect captive wife that'll have you questioning whether you should trust the man lying next to you.

4. Charade- A romantic comedy with a side of spy thriller, my two favorite actors Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant play characters mixed up in a government conspiracy while on the run from three men bent on revenge. A light hearted thriller that is perfect for a movie night with friends.

 3. Citizen Kane- Rosebud! This movie is considered one of the best movies ever made, but here is a warning this movie will have you clutching your cat moaning, "what's the meaning of it" . This is some seriously heavy material. A man who has everything yet nothing is a wake up call to anyone who is going through a confusing period of their life (which, for me, is every waking moment).

2. Gilda- Rita Hayworth cannot get more "40's sex goddess" than in this flick with a very sexy Glenn Ford (I know you wouldn't think that with a name like Glenn). There are some amazing dance numbers, and Gilda's untamed, indecisive, free-spirited personality is extremely relatable to moi. Highly recommended date/hang out/a-night-by-yourself movie. Honestly, this movie is great in any environment.

1. War and Peace- Do you sense a pattern? What can I say Audrey Hepburn's elfish, classy features just draw you in. As for the 3 hour epic, it's worth every minute. You will need ample amount of patience  but it's a do-it-before-you-die/you'll-sound-more-educated-if-you-said-you-watched-it movie. The acting and cinematography are highly enjoyable, so do check it out if you are interested in historical epics.