The Only Things That You Need to Know in French

After four years of learning French, I know the language pretty well. I can speak to you about art, school, politics, animals, camping, medicine, and other subjects that range far and wide. But, to be completely honest, those things will never, ever come up in conversation. I will not walk the streets of Hartford, CT, and have someone come up to me and ask, "Hey, would you mind telling me about Napoleon in French?"

I probably would, and I would put on the intense French accent and the whole shabang, but sadly, that would never happen. So here are some terms you should probably learn  before posting "C'est la vie" on your Tumblr.
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"Où est la salle de bain le plus proche?" - Where is the closest bathroom?

"Désolé, je ne parle que l'anglais, mais je sais com
ment le dire." - Sorry, I only speak English, but I know how to say this.

"Qu'est-ce qu'un bon restaurant dans le coin qui ne sentait pas la cigarette?" - What is a good restaurant around here that does not smell like cigarettes?

"Baisez cette merde." - Fuck this shit.

"Quelle robe / bébé / costume / copain et copine / macarons / hôtel / collier vintage/ chiot / chat / béret mignon(ne)!" - What a cute dress/baby/suit/boyfriend and girlfriend/ macaroon/hotel/vintage necklace/puppy/cat/beret!

"Pourquoi tout le monde est si maigre ici?!" - Why is everyone so skinny here?!

"Cette peinture symbolise la société et sa colère à l'homme de petite taille" - This painting symbolizes society and its wrath to the small man.

"Pourrions-nous s'il vous plaît aller chercher une crêpe maintenant?" - Could we please go get a crepe now?